No Excuse.

I have no excuse for not blogging other then not feeling like it. It's the same with emailing my friends. I guess I was just tired and confused, but I'm not anymore! I just want to have fun, do something that makes me happy and smile. Did I mention how much I love to laugh? I think I needed a good laugh so bad that when I walked into French class last week, I was hysterical! I just started laughing at EVERYTHING! The teacher said she was scared and then SHE started laughing. We were both laughing for a while. That was a good day.

Gosh I just realized that while I was typing this, I really miss blogging! So I might blog a bit more, more then usual I mean. I am the kind of person who gets bored of things really easily, I guess thats why I started off blogging every day and now only do it once every 2 weeks..I'm gonna work on that.

Well nothing super exciting happened, I mean yes stuff happened but it is slightly more personal, so I'll keep it to myself (:

SPRING BREAK! WHOOT! AND Taylor is coming back! TOMORROW! Miss you <3

I don't feel like explaining how school has been for the past 2 weeks so I will just talk about my last day, because it was by far the best (:

Gym we played dodgeball! For those who know me know that I LOVE dodgeball~. But this guy kept hitting me, like I was his target, and he hit me pretty hard, in the chest, stomach, and face. I being a good sport, STILL went to jail. Gosh I am just so nice (: Can't wait till next time~! Geo we just wrote a test, eeh. Easy. Math was probably my most fun class. My teacher sent us out on a scavanger hunt all around the school, guess he didn't think about 30 teenagers running around the school and disturbing classes. (; . My team was so close to winning too! We came in SECOND. Technically, because the actual team that came in second didn't actually do anything...Then my teacher let us out 30 minutes early. Lunch I spent outside. I ate there and then me and my friends A and T went exploring~! We discovered a bunch more to our already special place (: French I slacked ALOT. Oh! Chivalry is dead, just saying. English was pretty victorious too. Taylor you would be so proud: our entire class ganged up on Eric because he was being stupid and an idiot. I got my share of yelling too (: Eric didn't look so happy. Then school was over. The end was great! 

I have nothing else to really say, getting ready to PARTY! WHOOT~! Haha (:

I promise to try blogging soon! (I keep all promises)

Night <3

"I'm waiting, waiting for my world to change. For now I'll just have fun" 

It's Like All Those Things You Choose To Experience.

I have been sick this entire week and going on the computer hurts my eyes and makes them water, so I choose not to, don't hate me~!

Oh and hey, here's some advice, if you think your going to sneeze but it isn't coming, its stuck pretty much, say watermelon. As crazy as it seems and as much as I hate to admit it, it actually works (:

So my week....well it was filled with SICK. I couldn't do much and on Tuesday, my back hurt so much, I couldn't even get out of bed. School was not to shabby though (: Gym was just volleyball and we even played dodgeball once. I actually like to just play volleyball,  but not the actual one. We play this one called Queen's Court, and it doesn't matter how many people you have, as long as you get the ball over the net and in bounds. (; We played twice and not to sound like I am bragging or anything but my team won both times ;D. Geo is probably my most boring class. I even like English more. And NOTHING is as monotone as English. But yeah. Me no likey Geo. The only decent part is the bowling. Which we did yesterday. Math is just.....Math. Same old same old (;. French is really fun! I enjoy French, because I actually do like learning other language. My teacher though, moved this REALLY annoying guy and his friend beside me......people say I am the girl version of him. The annoying guy. But I don't think so, right? English....so....monotone.....zzzzzz. We got a project and me and my friend B are partners! WHOOT. We have to do amazing on it though. 50 marks guys.

On another note, I went to the gym on Tuesday! Pretty proud of myself (: Worked out! Today to, because it class we go to the ALC....A bit awkward at first, for those who know what I am talking about, but it ended up okay. Also I had a choir concert ON THE SAME DAY. So needless to say, my Tuesday was busy.

Today, also, this guy pissed me off. see nobody likes him, I don't get how ANYBODY can stand him. I don't like him, just saying. Actually on the contrary, I EXTREMELY DISLIKE him. Not hate, hate means passion, and just no. I seriously wonder if he likes the sound of his own voice though, because he is always talking and being really loud. And he always tells everyone to shut up and how they have no friends, but seriously HE NEEDS TO SHUT UP BECAUSE HE IS THE LOUDEST AND HE HAS NO FRIENDS. His name starts with an E, get it? Your probably wondering why I am bothering even mentioning him, but he pissed me off exceptionally well today. And I need to vent. It probably won't happen again, but it is him. Seriously. One day when we graduate, I'm going to go up to him and say "I don't need a good bye, just stand there while I BEAT YOU UP." (: I told him to shut up today, fine moment~.

Well I don't have anything else to really say, so yeah.

Keep on potassium pumping guys.

Peace and Zefron.

Night <3

"Mars looks exceptionally bright tonight."

Sup Bro? I Am So Proud Of You!

Yes I know, not original in ANY WAY. But whatever, I can't always be awesome so sue me.

So yeah, I haven't written in a while, but thats because nothing interesting has happened. I went to school, and on weekends I just chill. Well actually I started volunteering on Sunday evenings, at a retirement home. It is really fun actually; and the people are really nice. There's Evan, who is SO FLIPPIN' FUNNY. and random, but whatever he's a cool dude (: and also there is Trevor and Megan and Jason and this girl's name that I always forget....but she is really fun too (: Plus there are the ladies that I serve who always compliment my hair and talking about how they want to braid it or do something elegant to it, I have amazing hearing so I overhear. I just serve drinks. Do you know how much hot water actually smells? IT FREAKING STINKS. Normally water doesn't smell much, but this water smells. HORRIBLY.

I haven't written anything lately, I find that I can only write when in a certain mood. And I haven't been in that mood obviously.

IT.FINALLY.HAPPENED. In English today; this girl who I have mentioned previously I think in "Please Don't" finally got over the damn cocky bastard that she has been obsessing over. Pardon my French (oui oui). I am SO proud of her! He is a good for nothing kind of guy, the type to save his own skin and nobody else's. I just couldn't get over that (: Now if only the OTHER girl could see how much of a selfish jerk he was, well it might take some time.

So nothing interesting has happened. BLAH. My life is boring. It's been what? 2ish weeks? 1 and a half? Something like that. But yeah, nothing has happened. Nothing special, nothing life changing, nothing ROMANTIC. Well with the guys that go to my school you can't expect any different. On the bright side; I hear Taylor is doing AMAZING~! Good luck bro (; you know what I mean. I hope. Lets refresh shall we? haha NAAH not in public (;

Okay so PEACE, AU REVOIR, SEE YA.

Night <3

"Mamma Mia, here I go again, my my, how can I resist you?"

English Thumke

That means, basically bump English to the side, cause my culture is taking over!

I am in such a good mood! I had 2 really good days so far (: I mean, well I will explain,

Thursday, we did a Math contest for Period A, so I didn't do gym, then we had Geo, which actually does fly by really quick, which is a good think because it is my least favorite class, I don't really know why, I just am not that interested. Then we got a spare because of the Math contest for period C. It was a lot of fun, cause I chilled with M for that, and lunch! It was great because I never really hang out with her one on one. AWESOME! Then it was French, and well I just love the word "biscuit". It is so funny, me and my OTHER friend M, well we just couldn't stop laughing because we thought it was pronounced "bisKUHT" but ACTUALLY it is pronounced "bisQWE" so we were just laughing really hard. The fact that she has this colorful xylaphone really does NOT help. English was pretty chill too (: My friend B told me how happy I looked and well we can all guess what it was about (hint it rhymes with getting low). Apparently, I surprised her, and myself too.

Then TODAY, we played table tennis, and well I used to be a really competetive person, then I realize well those people really don't have a life. Guess I let go of that too. (: ANYWHO, me and my friend L were just having a blast, dancing because we lost ;) . We definitely were the party group, we put a smile on everyone we versed faces. (: That to me is a real win. OKAY TO CHEESY. umm Geo was fast, THANK GOD. Work class (: Math, well my teacher picked on me. AND we got our tests back, I did great (: I am not bragging, I am just really happy with my mark! We got out early too! WHOOT. Lunch was pretty chill, me and my friend B were just laughing about the randomest things. In French, I had to do a presentation. It was just 30 seconds though. It was pretty funny actually. Some pretty funny stuff happened at the beginning of class (: I AM MAKING FRIENDS GUYS. I am so happy (: . Also we went to the computer lab, and my computer stopped working, so I had to sit by, well I will call him V. ANYWAY, I had to sit by him and I pretty much just helped him work, it was fun! Cause the French was kinda stupid. Seriously. English flashed by really quick to, just a writing class. And after school, I well, I had a good time (: .

SO MY DAYS WERE PRETTY AWESOME.

I am back to my old self, after 2 weeks of deep S. Yeah, haha WAY OVER THAT. I guess she will be back, but for now, I'M BACK TO HYPER ACTIVE~! YAYAY!

SUP TAYLOR? I am still waiting for that reply to my email....no pressure or anything. THIS IS THE ONLY WAY I GET TO TALK TO YOU. SO, sup? haha, LOVE AND MISS YOU <3 Good night! or morning, Or are you sleeping.....

HEY! Guys this song is brown but I don't care, LISTEN TO IT~! It's a fast song, called Desi Boys. My title is actually lyrics from it (: PARTY SONG! <3 ;)

I am in a dance-y mood, so IMMA GO DANCE. SEE YA.

Night <3

"Kudiyan de dil utte rule karange"
("we are going to rule the girls hearts")
"Just let go and smile for a while"

Your Eyes Speak The Truth.

Did you know that? Somehow I am pretty good at hiding it though, because people never seem to know when I am lying. Which isn't a good thing guys.

I am not saying you don't pay attention, you are just a bit careless. I am not afraid to admit it. You don't really see when you look.

Anyway, I didn't mean to make a harsh post, I was actually going to do the opposite, I wanted to talk about something, but I am not so sure about it.

Something got me thinking. If I was in a tough spot, my reputation was ruined, would you guys stay by my side, or would you be quick to judge me without listening to me first? I know running away would be the easiest option in this case; but it won't help. I would be brave and stay. Even if I think running away would be for the better; I would stay because I would want to fix everything. That doesn't mean if one of my "friends" realized the truth, I would forgive them easily. I mean they believed something without talking to me about it. That just shows me I shouldn't trust them.

I was just mentioning that because I just wondered what would happen if it happened. I would be completely alone. I don't know what I would do.

Also I want to answer a question my friend B asked me. I DON'T KNOW. You asked me something in class, and honestly, I might have said something else, but I honestly don't know. I used to. I will admit that, but right now I don't know. But I do know that I sure as hell don't WANT to. I wish every night for it to just pass. Life would be so much simpler. I am surprised that you saw it in my eyes. I thought for a minute that you could actually see the truth. But then you believed what I said. Well, I am not sure if you did, but you sure as hell didn't push it. I would have. I do. Just be honest with me. If you think I am lying push me to tell you the truth. Because it will help, no matter how much I refuse to tell you anything. If you were a good friend, you would push.

I am not yelling guys, just one of those harsh truth kind of things. I apologize if I offend anyone, but I am not sorry. Just deal with it, but don't come crying to me, because you chose to read this.

On a lighter note, the......er, well lets just say this thing, I am finally starting to let go, I realize that it isn't going to go anywhere and it isn't anywhere. and hopefully my heart will listen too. I am not going to lie to myself anymore. This time it is actually working. It's time to free myself. Today. I like this feeling. (:

Taylor, I wish you were here, miss you everyday <3

Night <3

"And I'm on my way to believing..."

Out Of Sight, But Never Out Of Mind.

Okay so, a few of my friends have been mentioning how deep I have become and I have one more little thing to mention before I move on. Well maybe not one, but it's just on my mind.

So my friend Taylor mentioned how she thinks everything happens for a reason. I agree with her, I believe that whatever your destiny is, it is your destiny. But I also believe that you can write your own destiny. Not the past, you can never change the past. Unless of course you chose to forget it. But you can change the present and the future. It's your destiny, you do have the power to change it if you will it to happen.

Okay thats all (:

Haha, I am not done blogging yet! Just that topic for now. I want to try being a little more light hearted. You see the me in blog and the me in school are different people. But they are the same too. I just chose to be a bit more cheerful, I guess you could say, at school. Seriously. If you see me without a smile, something is up.

Anyway, so onto my title. I really mean it. Taylor, you may be gone, but I am always thinking about you. It's kind of hard not to when you are worried why your friend isn't speaking much...BLOG GIRL! And then there is the fact of when I like a guy, he is the only thing I can think of. Every little thing reminds me of that guy. I can't help it either. But forget guys, even though it is Valentine's Day, I feel that this day is made for all kinds of love, NOT just for the love between a boy and girl (in a boyfriend-girlfriend kind of way). I MISS YOU TAYLOR~! Come back to Winnipeg~! I feel like something is missing everyday. And seeing K open your old locker makes me sad )': Come back and claim it! I personally liked it better when she was on the other end of the hallway... SO YEAH. Come back, I mean at least for a visit (: .

Well I have nothing else to say but,

HAPPY TUESDAY (:
And Happy Valentine's Day...I guess. (It's a love-hate relationship).

Night <3

"And I know time will heal it"

Tried, and Tired.

Two words spelled almost the same, but mean completely different things. The difference for me today being that I have done one and am feeling the other. You can put the pieces together.

I have tried. I have tried so much to try catching up with friends that I feel are fading away from me. I have tried to show people I am not just the girl who cares about having fun, I am a girl too. I have feelings, feelings that as much as I don't want to admit, get hurt easily. I hate admiting how weak I am. I try not to show it, and it usually works. But somehow, I am still not satisfied.

I am tired because of trying so much and not being successful. I am tired of people not catching on the line I am throwing them and helping me. If you get what that means. But most of all, I am tired of lying. To myself and to others. The only reason I truely lie is because I want no one to worry about me. I fel bad that people are wasting their time worried about me.

It seems like I just keep getting bad news; it's not a surprise anymore. When asked if I am okay, I do what I do best. I lie. I say I am okay, I say I am fine, but I'm NOT. I am just so sick of the question "are you okay?" because guess what, people are usually never okay when you ask that!

I don't give a damn anymore. I don't care what people think about this blog, I just want to vent. And hey it is your choice to read this, no one is forcing you. This has just been building up inside of me for so long it just needed to be let out. I might go back to the same girl who wants everyone else to be happy first later, but for now, this is how I feel. How I REALLY feel. And I might feel embarrassed when I read this, but I am not going to be sorry.

I might just be having a bad week, or maybe this is meant to be. My friend Taylor said that everything happens for a reason, I just want to know what reason is making me feel like crap.

Taylor also mentioned something else that made me stop and think, this is a bit less of a vent, and more of a girl who is just too tired to do anything else. She said it was okay to break down every once and a while. Putting up a strong act for a while will make you do that. I agree with her, I just realized that today. I can feel a break coming in me; it comes in the form of laughter or crying. I just hope it comes soon. And I hope it helps me make a decision.

Well now I am tired, physically too. I'll post soon, lets hope its something more happy (I highly doubt it since Taylor is moving Friday </3).

I will miss you Taylor, and you have helped me so much with your latest post <3 Love you to the moon and stars and way beyond <3. (':

Night <3

"I'm not going to take it no more"

Choices.

So I never really got around to telling you about my New Years Resolution did I? Well, my New Years resolution is to be unexpected; surprising in a good way. I think I am doing okay, but what do you think? I have started with my music; guess I could do some more....

Well we have many choices, now don't we? In the future, in the present, the past; the point is that we make choices that affect us. Some more then others but they affect us nonetheless. Some choices I have made are not the best; I mean I tend to not forgive a friend for a while; I don't really believe in second chances unless they have truely earned, and even though I grant them, I tend to be cautious for a while. Another choice I make is to not trust anyone. I trust, in all 2 people. Two of my best friends. Others I am open too, but I am not going to tell them anything important. I feel I am more protected that way; but I need to just let go; I can be more open; slowly starting to trust people, not just like that that, but, baby steps. I know some choices are hard to make too. Where it's about love, or friendship, or telling the truth. Even about our future. I have mentioned I want to be a vet; let me explain why I have made this choice.

I love animals, I love helping them in any way I can. I can't imagine doing anything else now. I dream of having many pets; living in the country near a forest; helping injured wild animals heal then letting them back into the wild. I can see myself doing all these things. I feel like all I can be is a vet; I can't see myself as anything else. Being with animals makes me feel safe, yet adventerous; it makes me feel loved, and cherished. I never want to let go of that feeling. Once I embrace it.

I don't know about many choices, nor how hard they can be. I can't relate to some because I haven't gone through them. Like making the choice to leave a loved one; or even just breaking up with a boy (or girl). But I have heard stories, it makes me feel like I have lived them. And just because I haven't lived them; doesn't mean I still can't give a bit of advice.

Other choices are made easily, but when actually trying to carry out the choice, well it can be a struggle.I know this, it happens to everyone; everyone who makes a New Years resolution and others; resolutions are made easy; but hard to actually succeed. Take mine for example; being unexpected, it's not something you can exactly buy now is it? I have to work, or I can just be myself, and surprise even me. You just need to have the will to do whatever choice you want to make. If you give up; either the choice wasn't for you, or you just stopped trying because it was too hard. Like asking for forgiveness.

Choices reminds me of a poem. One my friend M posted in December; it's about two roads. A choice. Too me, the poem is about either taking the road someone else makes for you or making a road for yourself. One not too many people take. That's my version of the poem. Only the strong; the ones who really believe they can do it, take it.

I am going to talk about some choices I am going to make. You see I am a bit of a people pleaser. I want to let that go. I please people because it makes me feel good that I made someone else happy. But sometimes I have to let go of what makes me happy to achieve that. My smile can be fake. So I am going to start pleasing someone else. Me. I think I really deserve it. (: It's time to make my smile real. I am done doing that, it's time to go my own way.

Well I have said a lot, and at this point I am just rambling, so I guess I could ramble about my day (:

It was great! First day of the semester; one that I will actually like too. I love all my classes. Even though we didn't get to do gym (we had to learn Fitness in the classroom), I still think that this semester is going to be amazing (: I can feel it. I LOVE LE FRENCH. It seriously makes my life <3

I also want to mention that my title in the last post, it didn't really fit my actual post unless you really could see the meaning behind the writing. It feels fantastic to let go; thats all I meant and all I mean.

Something completely off topic; I just want to talk about my favorite pastimes. What I like to do; I love rain, I love dancing it rain. I love to laugh, it just makes me feel so free. (: I of course like to write and sing; its a passion but I don't want to make it a global thing. I love watching the stars; one of my favorite memories is of me and my friends just lying on the grass or on the ramp by the lake at grade nine camp late at night just looking at the stars. I actually saw the Big Dipper for the first time. I love looking at the moon too; it is just so big! I love new moons, and full moons. Even the perfect cresent. Reading takes me to a whole other world; so does swimming; I get to experience something magical. Sometimes I wish, well actually all the time I wish I could just breath underwater so I can stay down there longer. I love campfires too; bonfires. Beach ones especially. I love any kind of fire actually. It is so warm and makes me smile, which makes me feel happy AND free. (:

Giants won the SuperBowl, I told you a change was coming.

Well I think thats all I am going to say tonight...haha  I have said a lot...to those who hate to read well I apologize; but I won't say sorry, because well I don't believe in saying sorry if I don't mean it. Thats a lesson I think everyone should learn.

Night <3

"Is okay to look fat"
"A princess never chases a chicken"
"You can go your own way"
"Try."
"Loving you, isn't the right thing to do"

Le Fantastique.

I am currently watching the superbowl and OF COURSE the team I am cheering for is LOSING. It's like a curse; the team I cheer for is ALWAYS losing. Has been for well ever.

Other then that, exams are done! School tomorrow, and a brand new semester (: THANK THE LORD I AM DONE SCIENCE. I AM MOVING ON TO LE FRENCH. LE FREEEEEEEEEEEENCH.

My second semester consists of Gym, Geo, Math, Le French, and English; all in that order. I am happy cause I feel like this semester will be more fun and easier. I really didn't like Science and Keyboarding was just BORING. I only liked the last couple of classes because I got to just go on the computer for fun, which means of course I blogged. Math, English, and History were good classes though, I will definitely miss History and my English teacher ):

So here's to a brand new start, I guess you could call it that, because it definitely is going to be different. Taylor is moving, soon, like a few days. I can't change that but that doesn't mean I like it. I really don't want her to go, but I have to let her. Forgetting her is something completely different, it will never occur. I can't forget someone I care about, ever <3

Other then that, since I have nothing to study for I am focusing on my music, I haven't written anything since My Sweet Little Soldier, I guess I just have no inspiration. I do have a few lyrics, and I think I have something that will start soon, and surprise surprise, it's a love song. I haven't written one yet actually, one that I like. I have written a song about love that will never die, a song about believing, and a song about letting go of a love that won't last. I really want to write a love song. I am starting and I have a couple ideas, of other songs, it depends how strong I feel about it for me to actually write one that I would show.

I think it's time for me to give some advice, some advice people might not like, but its realistic. We should all learn to let go. Not of friends, not even of love, but of choices. People might not like the choices you make; and of course it depends what choice it is; but if its of following your dreams; you should not make people happy; especially if it won't make you happy. Sometimes you should focus on yourself , on what makes you smile. Making people happy might make you feel good, but will you love what your doing? Just think about it.

Letting go means different things; if its about something unrealistic like doing cartwheels on the ceiling or admitting a friend is moving. For me it's the later. But just cause your letting go, doesn't mean you should just stop. Take flying for example. You can't physically jump up and expect to stay there, but you can soar in other ways; like in a talent, or standing up to a bully. Doing something that your happy doing and you feel good about it. Like saving whales. Even helping a kitten of a high branch in a tree.

I am learning to fly, as my title shows. I haven't mentioned it but; I want to have that feeling inside that makes me feel like I am in the clouds; not cloud nine particularly, I don't want to find love, no matter how impaitent I am, I have to admit I am scared. Of what might happen and what will happen. I want to fly. I have started, one step at a time. I finally showed you my songs, and one day I might even find it in me to sing them, out loud, for you to hear. I also just want to show the world who I am, what better then to start in a small place like this? I am starting to fly, like the baby chick starting to flap their wings. I can't wait till I actually fly.

I want to follow my dreams. Just so we are clear, I don't want to sing for a living, it's a pass time. I hate how my life would never be mine again; it would be everyones to see. I want to be a vet. I love animals and I can see myself living in the country, helping ALL animals. It is something I love and something that makes me feel good.

Other then that, my team is losing by 5 points. I think they can actually win, I feel a change coming.

Night <3

"You gotta blame someone"
"Be the change you want to be"

It's Called Happiness With A Touch Of Impatience.

Thats exactly what I am feeling. On one side I am so happy because exams are done, and my next semster is much more fun and easy. I AM SO FLIPPIN' HAPPY~! I extremely dislike exams. Seriously. I am surprised that it isn't hate, but it's very close. You know what I do hate though? The ending of movies. Seriously, it's like life. But life is thankfully much longer then just 2 hours and some minutes. But the ending of movies, I don't know, they just seem like....then end. Maybe it's just me. But honestly? Think about it. Time flies by really quick. Which brings me to the second part of the title.

Taylor is moving. We thought we would have lots of time, but here we are. With just seconds, it feels like, left. I wish that she could stay longer, actually I wish she didn't have to move, but trying something new might be good. It's called reality. As much as I don't want her to move, everyone moves on eventually, this is just getting us ready. But keep in mind, just cause they leave doesn't mean they won't come back. So hear me when I say THAT IT ISN'T THE END. (: On the contrary darling, it's just the beginning.

Another reason of that part of my title, is because (normally I wouldn't be saying this because I know it takes time, but I am getting a bit.....impatient.) well, I just wish that a guy could come and sweep me off my feet. All I see is guys who are too full of themselves, or guys who just want something....physical (gag). Don't get me wrong, there are nice guys, but I do want a nice guy, but I want someone daring too. And here it comes, my speech of the perfect boy, which is literally EVERYTHING stuffed into one guy, or as I like to call him, Prince Charming. 

That amazing guy who makes your heart flutter, and your thoughts are always filled with him. The guy who keeps me on my toes, isn't afraid to stand up to me, he won't give me everything I want. If a guy did that, honestly, the relationship would get boring fast, plus a guy always buying you things just shows that he is trying to keep you by buying you things. I want a guy who is daring, isn't afraid to show who he is; meaning he doesn't care what others think. The kind of guy who is funny, always keep me laughing but will be there when I need a hug or I just want to let out the tears. He is gentle, and loving, sweet, and caring. I want a guy who keeps me guessing, and someone who will never change for anyone, ESPECIALLY me, unless of course he needs to be changed. And I really don't want a possessive guy. Seriously, I have friends who are guys, and I don't mind if the guy has friends who are girls. Unless of course they get to cozy...He isn't afraid to tell the truth. I don't like lies, I don't like to lie, and I strongly believe in promises, if you break one, I don't really know if I can trust you. Also, I have seen couples who spend all their time with eachother. Well I don't want to be that way, I will hang out with my friends, and I really want him too. This brings me to what I don't really like in a guy. The basic jerk, user, player, egotistic, doesn't care about anything but himself kind of guy. Also the kind of guy who thinks he is the best. I mention this a lot, the guy who guards himself, doesn't let anyone in, thinks he is the best, above all others. I just don't like this type of person, seriously, I HONESTLY DON'T LIKE THEM. You aren't cool when you do that! JUST SAYING. GROW UP. 

Okay, I am done, got a little off topic there, that happens sometimes... (:

Well other then that I am SUPER busy, chilling tomorrow, Friday, Saturday.. School plus interview on Thursday, I have this thing at school some grand opening thing, and Sunday is spent getting ready for SCHOOL. AWESOME. Haha (: IN THE MEANTIME. 

Remember: Don't Drink, Stay in School, AND DON'T YOU EVER BE AN ICKY PERSON. (:

OHH~~! AND DON'T BE FRIENDS WITH MEAN PEOPLE. (:

STAY HAPPY~! ;D

Night <3

"This is my time to shine" 

Please Don't.

What I mean is please don't follow a guy around, trying anyway to get his attention. I have seen a few girls I know follow this one guy around, and I just want to smack some sense into them, you shouldn't follow a guy around, that just shows how obvious it is that you like him. And also, following him around might make him notice you, but not in a good way. If you want a guy to notice you, just be yourself. Sure do something to make him notice you, but not something like following him. Stand out, do something that will make him interested, not something bad, but something like singing a song, or dancing cause you feel like it, not caring what people think about you as long as your having fun. He might realize that you are a fun girl, who does what she wants to, and doesn't care what other people say about you. It will make him see you. Just don't play hard to get. Maybe a little, but too much is too much. Seriously, he might think your not interested, and then you'll lose your chance. JUST PLEASE DON'T FOLLOW HIM. you never know, he might use it to his advantage, and I don't want to see any girl get hurt. I will admit when I used to like a guy, I always used to be loud. I still am, but not to get attention, but because I can't change the fact that I am a loud person. But I am not doing it for some guy anymore. I don't like anyone right now, and I like this feeling. I am focusing on my music, or this blog. It makes me feel free.

Anyway, on another note, I am FLIPPIN' OUT over exams. No changes there (: SERIOUSLY SCIENCE. SHOOT ME. I HATE PHYSICS. oh by the way, I am at school, and I just finished my LAST SCIENCE CLASS. Yeah, it feels AMAZING. Now I just got the exam to do, and then I am all for my next semester (: Which is much easier, seeing as I don't have Science. (: IT FEELS GREAT. So today is my last day of this semster, but my international friend is LEAVING. ): He is from France, and he always makes me laugh, so it is kind of upsetting. I will see him once more, on a exam day, but then thats it. I do believe that it is possible that we will see eachother again. I do. Also Taylor is moving ): BUT we are chilling before she moves and she isn't moving FOREVER! (: which I constantly have to remind her, she is coming back. We have plans and she is coming back sometime either in Summer or Spring. I forget, remind me would you?

I don't believe in goodbyes. I always believe that people will meet again, if you say bye its only one more reason for you to never meet again. If you just don't say it, it is possible that you will meet again, some day. And good bye's are really sad. I am more of a happy person, even though I do have my moments, and will be serious when I have to be. But honestly, goodbye ruins the chance of ever meeting again, now you don't want that do you? So just smile, send who ever it is off with a hug.

So I just realized that I have no idea who reads my blog, I mean other then my friends, some completely random stranger could be reading it..or worse, someone who goes to my school.....oh dear.
I dont really care who reads my blog though (: but if there is someone else, let me know, feel free to comment!

Night <3

(some people always wonder why I put "Night" even though its the morning or something, it's just I know I won't be writing later, so I say "night" to you all to end the day, and begin another one. If that makes any sense..(: )

"You don't think I can do it? Watch me."

Exams, exams go away, come again another day, actually no exams you stay the hell away!

I know its a long title, but it's what I am feeling right now. I am actually posting from school, because I am bored in a class where I do nothing. So here we are. Just saying this isn't going to be one of those deeper posts, this is one of those RANTING posts cause I am FREAKING OUT.

I am currently hating exams, just kinda want to get them over with...it isn't even my Math, English, or History ones, it's all Science. I just want second semester to come! Seriously, why can't we just skip exams? We already did tests on all the units, is that not enough?

Anyway to get my mind off of exams, I have been writing, not songs but something else I am working on, since I am not done, I won't tell anyone, just yet.

Also school: The first period gym class has to SQUARE DANCE. I really got a kick out of that (: Oh jeez, in Math yesterday, I even wanted to dance, but I couldn't...nobody wanted too...but thats okay! I still danced (: Just cause nobody is going to dance with me, doesn't mean I won't dance. YOU CAN'T STOP ME. teehee (;

Other then that, school has been boring, we just study in all the classes, and I am writing a Process Exam in English. It's just an essay, about discrimination. I feel very strongly for the subject so thats good (:

ANYWAY. BACK TO RANTING. (:

I absolutely STRONGLY DISLIKE exams, especially Science exams, and memorizing facts for History, there is so many freaking definitions and facts and dates we have to remember! And I write to study, so that means that I am writing down every single FLIPPIN' definition AND fact AND date. Don't even get me started on the government unit. It's okay if it's a unit that I like, particularly one of the war units, but when it's something completely BORING like GOVERNMENT, jesus I want to just SHOOT SOMEBODY! I learned all that boring stuff a while back, and it's not something I really want to RE-LEARN. In Science its worse, because it's not stuff you can just memorize, you have to UNDERSTAND it or it makes NO SENSE. WHICH SUCKS. Because honestly, memorizing is MUCH easier. But memorizing really doesn't help. Which again, SUCKS. OH and MATH. My teacher just keeps on rambling and rambling, and talks about 40S Pre-Cal, WELL GUESS WHAT. WE AIN'T IN 40S PRE-CAL. So just stick to what we need to learn. Plus he gives us the EASIEST examples, and once we get to a exercise or test or something WE HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA WHAT TO DO. If your going to be a teacher TEACH IT RIGHT. Which mean the hard questions, no matter how much we whine or if your to lazy to teach us. ALSO in History, my teacher, she favours the 6 guys who sit at the front. WHICH IS SO NOT COOL. She doesn't care much about what we do, and she is always talking to those guys, FAVORITISM MUCH? NOT COOL BRO. Seriously, there are other people in the class you teach, maybe if you paid attention, you would REALIZE. This brings me to the guys. THEY AREN'T EVEN THAT COOL. They do stuff for attention, always yelling and doing something that will get them noticed. WHICH BRINGS ME TO ANOTHER POINT. If the teacher isn't hard on the kids the first day, no matter how hard they try being, the kids will never listen, because of that first day. So BE HARD, first impressions are always important. BACK TO THE BOYS. Or just BOYS in general. Your not cool, if you try acting like nobody else matters, or that you are above everyone else, because guess what? The way your going, YOUR GOING TO DIE ALONE. Because you never realized that the way your going, always keeping your guard up or not letting anyone one, you won't end up with anybody. YOU WILL END UP ALONE. And you will regret it. Also, stop thinking like the world is over, if you keep thinking that way, then yeah maybe, but if you actually think POSITIVELY you can change it. SO BE POSITIVE FOOL, who knows someone might end up loving you (: <3

Alright I'm done ranting, sorry if I offend anyone, when I rant I tend to always say the truth, it's when you will really know what I am feeling, what I really think.

Night <3

"I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly, I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky, and I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change and breakaway"

...SURPRISE!

YAY! The surprise party for Taylor went great! Of course I didn't mention anything because she does read my blog...but I'm telling you about it now~~! It was great, I got loads of junk food, and music, and BALLOONS! I loved poping those balloons <3 She was SUPER surprised (: WHICH WAS THE IDEA. I love planning surprise parties (: All of them have been a success I might add (; Which I am VERY EXTREMELY proud of ! Gosh, there was so much junk food.... ;D

The rest of the day was a bit of a bore, 2 tests, a movie I really didn't want to see, and a sub who was a total female dog >:(

I am not going to post any songs until I have finished them, because I do have some, they just aren't done yet. So I will post them when I have finished them, which might be soon! I found myself singing My Sweet Little Soldier a lot...anybody else? Well you don't know how it goes...it sounds kind of country, but then again I think it sounds better that way (: So YEAH, I will post them when they are done. I really do enjoy reading the comments (: SO KEEP COMMENTING. Maybe if your good I might even sing a song for you (:

Night Lovelies <3

"This is just a dream"

My Sweet Little Soldier

I was in a good song writting mood today, and I really like the one I wrote, it's a bit sad, I'm going to tell you right now. But if you don't think so, well you obviously have no heart.

It's called My Sweet Little Soldier

I was only 17
When you first caught sight of me
I was working at a little cafe
on the corner
you made your way over to me
you said "can I have a coffee please"
your piercing green eyes
caught be by surprise
as I stuttered out an answer

You'd come everyday
again and again
and one day you
asked where I lived
you said you wanted to take me out that night

And I didn't hesitate
I told you where and you said
It was a date
I smiled as you waved and said goodbye

CHORUS:
Well we write
letters to eachother
and I find myself missing those green eyes
I can't wait for the day you come back again.
I remember that first day
I saw you
I was so glad
that you saw me too
I'm really starting to love you
My sweet little soldier

That night when you picked me up
you took me to the riverside
you said you like the way the moon
made my brown eyes shine
We sat and talked
and the time flew by
you asked if you could
kiss me goodnight
I said I wouldn't mind if you did
And boy wasn't that
some kiss

Then you left
later that night
and I swore you took
my heart with you
I remember wishing that you'd be safe

I'd wait and wait
everyday
sitting in that
little cafe
But I knew you
wouldn't be there

CHORUS

I remember watching the news
late at night
and then they listed the names of the missing
and the ones that died.
That day I cried myself
to sleep
shouting out that
it just couldn't be
I found my self just wishing
That I could hold
My sweet little soldier

Oh oh why'd you have to
leave me
You promised that we would
always be
Now I realize that day when
we first met
I loved you and we hadn't
even spoken yet
Oh oh I really do love you
I try to live but I don't
have a clue
Come back
I can't be without you
I promise to do
everything I gotta do
Now I'm starting to get older
But I'll never forget
my sweet little soldier

Whatcha think? I was listening to Just A Dream by Carrie Underwood and the song inspired me, this and Traveling Soldier by Dixie Chicks. I really hope you guys like it :) Feedback please :)

My day was a bit confusing. Feelings wise I mean, I strongly disliked Science class. I am not going to say anymore before I start ranting.. but yeah. Me no likey. Other then that, I actually enjoyed Keyboarding.  :) Well I'm going to go now...hope you liked the song :)

Night <3

"This time, I'm gonna do it my way"

Once Upon A Time...

...there was a girl, who was scared. Scared of the attention, all eyes on her, scared of falling, scared what others might just think about what she wrote. That little girl is starting to change. One step at a time. Step one starts today.

Yes I realize I started with something a bit deep, something I only do when I really have something to say. Most would think it's weird, something deep coming out of the girl who everyone thinks is all about fun, don't give a care or whatever. But I do. I'm not the same girl everyone thinks I am. If fun is alll you think I care about, you really don't know me at all. I wrote something, not one but two somethings. Two songs to be exact, and I normally, I keep the songs I write to myself. Because I used to be afraid of what people would think, now I don't care. I want to show everyone the stuff I can do, even if you think it isn't any good. It might sound like a cheesy pop song, but if you look into the lyrics, they mean so much more. So here go's, song number one

Its called Before It Hits.

I feel your eyes on me
and it's just so hard
to look away
but I know I have to start

The part thats holding on
nees to let go
I'm losing my mind
I need to get in control

It never happened
but I know
It never will
It just doesn't fit
it's gotta stop and be still

CHORUS:
Cause we're going nowhere
and we never will
we gotta end right now
this has got to be killed
We gotta let go right now
we need to find the strength somehow

We got to let it be
We can't be fighting it
The walls are closing in on us
We gotta break through
before it hits.

Now I'm looking in a
different direction
I just can't look into that
broken connection
I can't risk it and I know
neither can you
Both of us together,
It will never be true

Now we gotta walk away
and can't look back
our lives together are ending
we gotta get back on track

CHORUS

There ain't nothing between us
I don't know why it's
tearing me apart
But I can't go on this way
it just keeps breaking my heart

CHORUS

...I'm not done yet, feedback would be appreciated (:

Okay...on to the next song

It's called Change, I think, but I might change it

Your probably thinking
that its all over now
That your done
It can't get worse anyhow
You can't go on suffering
all this pain
you need to get and to give
your everything

You gotta stand up
stop thinking that it's done
When you know that it's
just hardly begun
You can shine like the sun
in the sky so high
Soon you'll be doing what you always
thought was a lie

CHORUS:
It doesn't mean the end
you can always start again
Life is never over so don't you
be thinking it is
You just gotta do it right
you'll be flying out of sight
you can fix it so you don't make
those mistakes again

You go around like things
will never change
and they never will
if you keep acting this way
you need to realize
whats done is done
So you can live without regret
and just have fun

You need to be strong,
stop hurting inside
you need to face that it
was all a lie
so get up
and start running
soon you'll be leaving behind
all the broken apart bits

CHORUS

It's your life now
don't be saying goodbye
Just trust it and
everything will turn out right
It'll take time
But it's worth it
Cause you'll be living so you can
take the hit

CHORUS

again not done, feedback please (: And possibly a title suggestion for this song...

I'm not going to be afraid anymore.

Night <3

"We have nothing to fear but fear itself"

I'll Find Myself In Time.

I need to change. I don't know what made me see it, but I have, realized the truth I mean, I need to change. Not who I am, but a small part that has some damage in it. It needs some help and I will struggle. But all I can hope for is that it will happen, the change I need. Don't worry I'm not changing me, this little girl isn't going anywhere. It's more of whats inside of me, what I feel. I'm just wishing that what I want will happen, because I could really use it. It's one of my only true weaknesses. I saw someone acting....well a certain way that reminds me of me a bit. Today, I mean. And I just realized that I don't want to go on this way, I really don't. I need to let go, not hold on. I just do. Holding on to whats not even there isn't something good, your holding on to nothing, thats not a good thing is it. But I'm not going to lie, it's something I have been doing, just haven't had the strength to admit it. But I'm admitting it now, and I am going to fight it, no matter how hard it pushes back. This girl is not letting it get to her.

I'm going to start, now.

"You think you got the best of me, think you got the last laugh, think that everything good is gone. Think you left me broken, think that I'd coming running back, you don't know me, cause your dead wrong"
"You still think I'm nothing without you, but you don't know that things can change, like who I am inside, like the part that's holding on when it needs to let go"

It's All A Blur

The week is already done. gone, finished, CAPUT. I can't believe how fast the time is going! I only have 1 week and 4 days left before exams.....I finally understand Ecology though :) Which is good seeing as that is the only thing I was really worried about...and now the topic that i really am going to talk about.

School. Oh dear school. Well on the bright side Taylor FINALLY came back (: <3 Missed her so much <3 Also, well we had to make balloon cars for Science, that freaking killed me. I EXTREMELY DISLIKE BALLOON CARS. We spent so long on it and it didn't move. But its okay it moved after we made it (: so we are probably getting a 90...Honestly at this point I was fine with a 50. I really didn't like that project. But the actual races were really entertaining (: Keyboarding was...well Keyboarding. Boring yet fun. Math was kinda fun too, the beginning of this class was a balloon fight. Legit. It was fun (: I loved it! It's like yup this is our PGL Math class, aren't we just so serious? Lunch was so fast, English was alright, and American History was well crazy! There was a basketball game today, and we watched it, for last period I mean (: I also made a new best friend! His name is Gus. He is awesome :) He made me and my friend laugh so hard we were crying today, which is good seeing as we weren't having the best day. I mean it was Friday the 13th. OH SNAP. Atleast it wasn't October~! Gus is really hyper...like me! So yeah we are really alike :) 

On lighter note, I am going to be spending English class on Monday playing Tag around the school for a movie film type thing :) BEST DAY EVER. I can't wait <3 I'm still a kid, I love tag ;D

So I don't want to go deep today...but just remember to make time for all your friends, because if you aren't they are gonna think they aren't very important to you...

Okay I am going now, my show is on...The Vampire Diaries (I LOVE DAMON AND JEREMY). 

Night <3

"Just let go."

The World's Flashing By

The days are too. I mean school starts in 2 days and then the havoic of exams starts. I for one am not looking forward to it.

Well i'm glad I actually got some feed back to the last post, I mean I really mean what I write, I don't like to lie on this blog, I like to be truthful. If anybody doesn't agree well then you really don't know me. But yeah, stay positive hold your head up high, because through tough times if you don't, god knows that it won't be pleasant.

Over break I guess you could say that I had fun (: I hung out with friends and did some shopping. My favorite day was probably the first day of the new year, Sunday because well it was my cousins birthday and also her last day in town, shes going to an Art school in Calgary, and well it was so much fun :) we went out and got somethings and while she was getting her friends stuff (they were going together) me, my sister, and her brother were jamming out in her new car (she had gotten it the day before). We blasted the music really loud and were always switching the station. We didn't know the lyrics but that didn't stop us, we made them up to the beat ;D We ended up cutting cake in the last hour of her birthday, and well now shes gone and won't be back to visit until February, can't wait I miss her terribly <3

So yeah school....oh jeez. I am excited but the same time, I am not.

Night <3

P.S. I won't be writing as much, I do plan on using my time to study...

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stand a little taller, doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone"